Memories
by Nyoh
Summary: The morning before reaching Suna, Sasori and Deidara have hard time dealing with each other. One Shoot.


Second try to do a fanfiction ! I wrote that two mounts ago but I was too lazy to correct it. Please be indulgent. English isn't my fist language so there's perhaps some grammar mistakes left.

While correcting it, I realise how OCC it was... Forgive me. I hope you will like it.

I don't own Naruto or its characters.

Oh and I know there's confusion about who, between Sasori and Deidara, is the main character. I made it on purpose.

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He's the one. He's the one always following me. He's the one always helping me. He's the one always asking me. He's the one always wondering about me. He's the one always pissing me.

I hate him. I hate him so much. Since the first time I saw his pretty face and his pretty eyes, I execrate him. It's not about his belief, it's not about his vision, it's not about his physique, it's not about… I can't describe it. I just hate him. Each morning, I woke up, I look at myself in the mirror and see that hair, that nose, those eyes, those lips. I just… I just want to be alone. I don't need anymore. I just need i them /i ! Deep in my chest, deep in my heart. I want them. I don't care about other people. They are the only important thing. But they are… gone… And I can't do nothing about that. After all I did, after all those sacrifices. Everything was useless. Sometime, I just feel like sitting, hugging my own knees and forgetting about everything else except my pain. But he's always there to remind me my duty, my job, my existence. Everyone here thinks that I can't stand him because we are so different. They can believe what they want. I don't care. They are all different. I'm unique ! But there's something else they don't understand. I'm leaning on a window frame. Everything is dark outside. I think it's around four A.M. I sigh and put my head on my arm. I close my eyes and try to push back my toughts. My memories… I hear something behind me. Like a groan or something. I'm sure it's him. Before I even notice, my face takes an annoyed expression. Why ? Why does he have to be there ? Go away ! I don't want you ! I don't want to be your partner ! I don't want that whole… organisation ! I just came here because I thought I would fine someone strong enough to kill me. I thought that if I put myself in the most dangerous situations, something will end my futile existance. Everything seems useless. Time is still fleeting as pain stabs my body, my heart, my feeling, my whole destiny. I first thought that with the years I will accept it. I thought I would be able to live freely, without that rock inside of me. But no. Each day is more painful than the other before. I can't describe it. It's like if, at time passes, the memories start to erase, to become less clear and if my mind accentuate the feeling to make me remember more how it was before. I suffer for what happenned and I also suffer because all those sweet memories of my childhood slowly go away. My days of lightness are becomming darker and darker. At the end, I know it, all will be black and there were be nothing, nothing except pain. I hear a noise again. The frustration is growing inside of me. Nothing , I'm sure ! There're be nothing. Nothing except the pain and HIM ! Can't he leaves me alone for once ! He's sleeping ! Sleeping ! And he still annoys me !

I open my eyes and raise my upper body to look at him. I wonder why they all think we can't get along because of our respective vision of art. They don't know me, I obviously see it. Fleeting or eternal… I don't really care. It's not that important. The only thing important for me is those feelings, those memories. I think art is just a way to confront him, to show him my scorn. Perhaps when we argue I can feel alive again and that's why I make sure to let him no choise but to reply, to answer back, again and again. I walk toward our two futons. Our clothes are between them, fold, ready for the next day. I pick mine and look a moment at our respective headband. I realize the irony of the situation. Iwa and Suna. I said before that I feel a rock inside of me, a rock that grow everyday. Rock. Iwa. And everybody knows that sand comes from rocks. Perhaps it was my destiny. I sigh again, still contemplating the mark that reject our respective homeland. He moves on his futon. For a moment, I'm not sure if he's awake or not. Perhaps he's pretending to sleep because he knows that I don't like to be seen so early in the morning, not prepared. I take my stuff and go in the other room. Just after I close the slide door, I hear sheet crumpling and steps on the tatami. He wasn't sleeping. I sigh again and try to put my pants on. My arms are annoying me too. And my hands. The fabric always stuck between the joins. After batteling with my stuff, I pass an hand on my hair and attack the next part, shirt. Shirt are useless. Especially when you are wearing a dark cloak under all the day. I don't really like Hidan and I don't want to mimic him but I have to admit that his solution is perhaps the easier. As I tried to put my last clothes on, I graze at the symbol on my chest. Curiosity then takes me. I'm use to it but it still intrigues me. I pass my finger on it and shiver. I will end by there. I know it. That symbol represents me. It's me. It's why they decided I am. Them, all the people from my previous homeland. Now that I think about it, perhaps another reason why I joined the organization was to run away from them. Them and their silent gaze. They never say a thing but I know what they thought. They believed I was crazy, insane. Me and my creations. How can they don't understand art ? My realizations are made to be art ! They are part of me, part of my belief, part of my vision. Art is the only thing that stays from my before life.

As I finish to dress myself, I hear a polite knock on the slide door.

-Are you ready ? he asks.

I don't answer and put my things in my bag. He opens the door and look at me.

-We have to leave.

Like if I didn't know ! I'm sure sometime he thinks I'm stupid or dumb. And then he says the word. I shiver again and look at him. I hate this word. I hate when he calls me like that. I hate him so much. I want to… I want to tear off his limbs. I want to feel the crimson river of his blood on my hands. I want to hear him suffer, crying for mercy. I want peel off his skin. I want to hold his heart and slowly pulling it out. I want to squeeze his intestines and feel them melting in my hands. But most of all, I want him to die ! He says the word again. I can't stand it anymore. I roll my finger into fist, close my eyes and lower my head.

-SHUT UP ! LEAVE ME ALONE ! GO AWAY !

He looks at me surprised, I'm generally not a yelling person. Today is different. Perhaps because I just remembered my past, my pain, who I am. He calls me like that again. That word ! I can't hear it anymore. I put my hands on my ears and yell again. He doesn't understand and continues to look at me like if I was sick or craze.

-Are… are you ok ? What happen D…

-SHUT UP !

-What happen to you ?

-LEAVE ME ALONE ! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU. DIE ! DISAPPEAR ! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE HERE ? GO AWAY !

I'm on the floor, my hands still on my ears, eyes closes, knee underneath me. I look like a child who wants to protect himself but I'm not a child anymore. I'm an adult now. Childhood is far behind be. But the child inside of me keeps crying, keeps asking for mercy. I generally mutes him but sometime, like now, I can't hold him back. He goes throw my barriers, my defences, and takes control of myself. I wish I could help him, that child inside of me, but I can't. I have to stay stoic, I have to be the nunekin that I am. Conforting him would takes me years of patience and work on myself. I can't to it now. I have to do my job, to fill my objectives, to please my boss. I can't take my time to work on me, to help myself. It's weird how human works. We spend years to reach something for a better future but we never take the time to make ourselves serene and peaceful.

He walks and puts an hand on my back. He stays there. For a few seconds. Like an eternity.

-Are… are you ok ?

I don't answer. His hand on my back is like fire. Nobody moves for a moment then I raise and walk toward the door like if nothing happened.

-Great, un. Let's continue that stupid mission.

-Don't call it stupid you moron. The goals we want to reach are beyond your understanding.

-Yeah yeah, un…

The way he talks, his manners, his personnality. I can't stand it. I can't. I pick my bag and go outside of the room.

-No seriously. What happened ? he asks again.

I won't answer. I feel like I am in a parallel universe. Everything seems all… foggy and unclear. I can't concentrate and think about something else than my pain and my memories.

-You are annoying. Why won't you tell you ?

I close my eyes and touch the symbol on my chest. He seems so unreal. I feel my hate decreasing. All I feel is that rock. The same rock as before. We will soon be there. There. Where they died. Where they ended. Where the nightmare started. A nightmare. That's exactly how I feel. Everything is unreal. Reality is gone. People often says that if you pinch yourself, you will know if you are in a dream or not. Perhaps you will even wake up. I tortured myself. I made the most horrible thing you can imagine on my own body but nothing happen. The nightmare still continues.

-Danna ?

Still continues…

-Sasori no Danna, un ?

I put my hand on the wall and start to damage them with my finger while lowering them. Hiruko tails hits him. Nothing. There's nothing left of my live, of my childhood. Pein asked us to return there. To Suna. I don't want. I don't want to go. The nightmare is even more real there. Where my parents died. And there's nothing left. Nothing left. Except eternality…


End file.
